I have to start by saying that I physically feel nearly all better. This is good and expected! It’s a relief. I am getting tired out very quickly – like I had to take a nap yesterday around 3pm, and I did not expect to take a nap it just happened. My day was a typical work day for me, with 4 calls and some reading and decision-making. And I had to nap! Next week I’m going to a meetup with all of Tumblr that I am so excited about – and I know I’m gonna need to rest up while I’m there. Usually at big meetups, I tend to get like 4 hours of sleep a night and excessively burn the candle at both ends. But even I can see and accept that isn’t going to work. In regular times, I sleep around 5 hours a night, sometimes 6, but lately it’s been 7 and 8 hours in a stretch.

Mentally and emotionally, I know I’ll be processing the entire experience for awhile. Besides still having some occasional very vivid dreams (not all of them nightmares, but not restful either), I can tell my brain isn’t at normal capacity. The week I took off of work post-hospital, I couldn’t puzzle out the crossword. I would open it and stare at it, and close it again. To very clearly brag, I usually can do the Monday puzzle in 8 minutes, and I can often complete the full week (Thursdays are tricky). This week, the Monday took me twice as long as usual. I have labored through each puzzle this week, and I’m stuck on today’s. It’s been more like work than fun. Usually doing the crossword feels like how an otter looks sliding around in the water. Natural, fun, sometimes with dexterity involved. But right now, it’s hard. Not only can I not call to mind common words for things, but I’m struggling more with completing partial words. I had the partial answer “WERESO-E–” for “uh-oh our parents will kill us!” and it took me a long time to figure out that “DEAD” fit in there (“we’re so dead”).

I think it’ll come back (because it’s better than last week), and I’ve been listening to jazz to help (for some reason, I’m positive listening specifically to jazz would help, and now I’m convinced it is, though I have absolutely no way to quantify it). But what if it doesn’t come back.