Grant is three months old today! The time has flown and in another two months I go back to work. 

I can’t imagine a time when I don’t hold him for most of the day. I can’t wait to be around adults for a good portion of the day (well as around them as you can be when you work in the cyber). I know it will take awhile to figure out how to balance him and work, since I work from home, and I’m grateful my job can give me that leeway. 

The twins are a month away from their fifth birthday. I look from Grant to them, and I don’t believe they were this small. They are growing out of their babyish stage – their legs and arms are getting longer and they look more like big kids than pre-schoolers. 

Being home with three kids for three months has taught me some things:

• I should trust instinct more. I’m a better parent this time around, because I’ve done it before. The change from 0 kids to $_number kids is catastrophic. Any increase after that is simple. Things I over thought the first time, I didn’t need to. I’m able to enjoy this much more because I’ve already been on this path. I see this in Bob, too. We have come a long way!
• It’s possible to care deeply about something and be pretty bad at it. I’m not a very good stay-at-home parent. I’m used to being good at things I try fairly quickly. Kids are much more challenging than can be really appreciated, especially when you structure your entire day around them. The baby is easy, but keeping the twins occupied, challenged, feeling loved and supported is hard. Juggling the two different ages is hard. 
• Being passionate about something can bridge the gap between ability and the ideal. I can’t believe how difficult being a stay-at-home parent is. I’m appalled at how badly I do at it, even if you adjust for sleep deprivation, poor diet, and round-the-clock care. But all that doesn’t matter, because I can’t imagine loving anything more than my family, and pouring love onto each other keeps us strong and caring. 
• Accepting support makes it possible. I like to figure things out on my own. But I have a few incredible sources of support that have bolstered me when I need it and, in Bob’s case, have been the invisible safety net holding me up the entire time. I have a mama’s group on Facebook which helps answer my questions, helps me laugh, and commiserates with me. I have a group of friends who I talk to frequently who let me vent whenever I need to. I have amazing neighbors who are always around when the kids need to play and to be grown ups with. And, of course, Bob, who does more than it’s really possible to write about (but we succeed because of him).
• You can forget almost anything. I’ve been a parent to newborns before. This isn’t new. Except everything is new. I ask first-time-mom questions all the time. The truth is I grew with the twins and invested wholly in each new stage, recommitting to their new interests and abilities. I discarded what was behind us to focus on the new. Now I need that knowledge and those experiences back. Luckily, I trust my instinct a lot more, and if before I over-thought things a little, well now I under-think things a little. It all comes full circle. 

Here is to the next two months, and all the transitions and adjustments beyond that. It’s hard, but I wouldn’t miss this ride, and all the lessons to come. <clinks mug of cold coffee>