I couldn’t fall asleep last night so I started thinking through this blog post, and it is a true mishmash of pointless things. Enjoy!

I’ve been googling auditory hallucinations, and did you know that a lot of people experience these as they’re falling asleep? They’re called auditory hypnogogic hallucinations (hypnopompic if you’re walking up), and up to 70% of people have had them at least once. They can be verbal (voices) or just sounds, and can sound like they’re inside your head – like thoughts – or outside, nearby, etc. They can be caused by insomnia and/or stress (and medication, alcohol, etc). I have mostly the verbal kind, and it comes in through my ears (well, my brain thinks they do). It’s also my own voice! I think because I admire myself so much. The two most recent times it was “hey!” And “what!” And it’s very annoying. I’ve also had some sound ones, but I think they built out of real sounds. Like, the dog was lapping water in the bathroom and I was convinced I heard a helicopter right over the house as I was falling asleep. I have not been sleeping well, if that was unclear, so I’m restarting my sleeping medication. I would really like to be well-rested while I’m on sabbatical! If not now, when!

Bob is doing a great job with the training plan. This past Sunday I had a 10-mile workout. I average 15 minute miles (I’m doing a mix of walk and run), which includes two mile warm-up (not allowed to run), and one mile warm down (not allowed to run). Across all 10 miles I’m able to average 15 minutes, so the seven interior miles are more in the 12 min range. Which is a big deal for me! I am allowed to run 3-5 minutes of each mile. This gives me the opportunity to recover and lends longevity to the workout. I wish I were able to run the whole time for the race, but it’s not going to be possible yet. Bob thinks maybe in a year. I sort of think maybe what I’ll do is do one more 1/2 in the fall, for comparison, and then perhaps focus on shorter distances. You’d think all this running around and strength training would tire me out enough to sleep.

I’m transitioning Bea to fancy mail order food. She loves it. She used to avoid eating her fancy kibble – she would sometimes only eat half a meal (when she should have two a day), and now she gobbles down her mix of new and old food. The cats also come up to me and meow insistently while I’m feeding her, so I think maybe I should transition them to wet food too – though I have like 6 bags of cat food to get through first. I also think it’ll be easier to control their intake if they each get a portion of wet food fed to them in separate spaces. As it is, Socks – the biggest – hogs all the food. This is partly why he’s the biggest at 17lbs. Eleven is 12lbs and Stark is 8lbs. They all have been to the vet in the past few weeks, and are all healthy (if two are pudgy).

I’m halfway through sabbatical (approx), and I’ve noticed that I have a lot more energy for Grant after school lately. I’ll pick him up and we will do activities and it’s fun, instead of draining! He’s also slowly starting to mature a little bit more, which helps. He’s still defiant, but he’s more cheerful more often. We have been doing crafts, prepping easter eggs for a school party, and playing trash (a card game). Or even just going on errands with him – it’s all just a bit easier.

Speaking of Grant, I got a message from his teacher yesterday that he forgot his green folder (he hadn’t) and do I need some combs at home to comb his hair? Would I like him to be sent to the nurse everyday to be combed? A month or two ago the teacher sent me a message asking if I could feed him breakfast in the morning, because he took too long to go from the cafeteria in the morning to his classroom, and was therefore late to class. I don’t find these messages endearing. Regarding breakfast, he eats it at home every morning. I don’t know why he wants second breakfast at school, but fine, and shouldn’t it be the staff’s responsibility to move the students from the cafeteria to their classrooms at the appropriate time? Not sure how I’m supposed to control that from home. I am generally pretty mild mannered, and I prefer to get along with people who I need to work with, but the message about combing his hair sent me right over the edge. His hair is long. He likes it that way. The morning after he showers it does tend to be more chaotic, but it’s hair. He is struggling with ADHD and just learning what he’s supposed to be learning this year is a huge hill for him. Proposing to send him out of class every day to do something as truly inane as having the nurse comb his hair is maybe the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. I said no. I also said to check his bag again for his folder, and lo and behold, there it was. 🙄 I was talking about the whole thing with Bob and his reaction was that proposing to comb his hair for him was akin to offering to sponge bath your kid at school. It’s weird, and really not anyone’s business if his hair is sometimes tangled.

Here is he petting a lamb.

I keep trying to blame things on menopause, but the problem is that I keep getting a fairly regular period, so I am sort of struggling to align the absence of menopause with the excuse of menopause. This is my cross to bear, however. I’ve been having all the color pulled out of my hair at my last couple hair appointments (I don’t want dye dripping in my eyes while I’m working out), and my stylist was like “we didn’t lose as much as usual this time!” About my HAIR. So I guess usually a lot falls out?? It is very thin, but the dye actually makes it thicker and each strand plumper. So without dye it is… Well I’m trying to blame menopause but as mentioned, it is not going well. My autoimmune progesterone dermatitis is back, this time on my belly. It reminds me of the time I went to a dermatologist to find out what the recurring rash on my belly was and he kept sending me away saying it was the dye in my jeans. You know, I kind of hate that guy. And everyone who just will not listen to women, particularly in the medical field. Fuck them. It took a wonderful midwife to identify the problem. I did later go to an allergist to get it confirmed, and he was actually great. I think a bunch of people who think they have morgellans actually have an autoimmune hormone dermatitis like mine, but there’s no money in researching this sort of thing. Also, the delay between the allergy test and the result was a few weeks – because ovulation is cyclical – and I imagine that even when people do manage to get tested the lack of an immediate response is very discouraging, and confirms the negative.

Along with working out daily, and remembering to take a multivitamin and my wellbutrin, I’ve been taking a glucose control capsule every morning (I’m supposed to take one with dinner too but I cannot remember to for the life of me). I cannot tell if it’s working – it’s a probiotic that’s supposed to help me (wait for it) control glucose. I can say that I do generally feel better, I am less hungry overall – despite working out a lot more, and I am more resilient to the cold. All things that could just be a reality of regular exercise. So the jury is still out there, but it’s not broken, and I have a small stockpile so I’ll keep taking it for now. I need to get some evening primrose oil to take for the dermatitis, to add to my morning regimen.

Now if only I could sleep! I bet it’s menopause.