“The snow is melting into music.”

John Muir

We spent two nights in Yosemite, and it was not enough. We had glorious weather, that begged we stay outside, so we did. We arrived in the early afternoon, and parked across the meadow from Yosemite Falls. We ate our lunch gazing across the dormant grasses at the series of falls, and craning up at the top edges of the hanging valleys all around. We walked to Yosemite Falls, Bridal Veil Falls, and halfway to Vernal Falls. Horsetail was, alas, dry, so no firefalls for us this year. Bob and Henry woke up early to climb up some part of Yosemite Falls, and saw a bobcat! A raccoon visited our balcony, and Grant attempted to let it in. All in all, it was an adventure. Selected pictures:

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We drove out of San Francisco early and after driving across the Golden Gate Bridge, we quickly exited to get to Marin Headlands. The views were amazing! After a little running around there, we had to hustle to Muir Woods, because we had a reservation for parking. In the woods we went for a hike. Grant fell on the trail at one point and cut his palm. That really put a damper on his sails for awhile. After the majesty of the woods, we drove inland a bit to get to Lodi. We drove down Napa valley and ooohed and aahed at all the grape fields. In Lodi we went to a winery for a tasting, and planned ahead so we went to one with a playground. The kids had fun playing while Bob and I enjoyed some wine in the sun. We ate dinner at a winery in town, then headed to the hotel to sleep after a very packed day. Selected photos:

Next up: Yosemite!

We technically started our trip with an overnight in Atlanta, but we found we haven’t been counting that. Instead, we have been counting the beginning of our trip from when we touched down in San Jose.

We took a long drive up the coast on route 1, and found the twistiest road through the mountains to get there. Once to the coast, somewhere south of Half Moon Bay, and somewhere north of Pescadero, we meandered north into San Francisco.

We checked into our hotel (Zephyr), and walked around pier 39. The next day we relaxed, went to the Exploratorium, and explored more. Selected photos before.

Day 2:

I usually don’t drink coffee during the day; I have tea instead. But lately I have been absolutely craving some excellent coffee. After getting frustrated with the offerings locally, I dusted off my grinder and chemex, ordered a goose-neck kettle and timer, and some fresh decaf beans from Stumptown. I also got a vacuum seal container for the beans.

Today Henry was sent home from school (for no good reason by the substitute nurse), so it happened to be a perfect opportunity to make some actual coffee.

So I get to sit at my dining room table, with the weak winter sun on me, and enjoy some really delectable coffee while finishing my work today. A quiet victory.

I originally published this post on our internal leadership P2 here at Automattic in early December 2019. I’ve made some changes to reflect the broader audience. I decided to post this here at the prompting of one of the leads that I lead, because I am very susceptible to flattery.

At Automattic we say that communication is oxygen, and that feedback is fundamental to effective communication. Despite this, I still occasionally see peers reluctant to give feedback as their default. There could be all sorts of reasons behind that, but I’d like to share my perspective around feedback (and how feedback helps my perspective) in an effort to alleviate some of the concerns I think I see.

Refocus, enhance

In a company larger than a few hundred people, it is likely impossible for someone to be deeply knowledgeable about all areas of the company. They probably have deep knowledge in their chosen field, and detailed knowledge in other areas that are interesting or relevant to their role, but that’s it. At Automattic, it’s possible to follow every area of the company – we put everything on P2. Everything. Financials, project decisions, you name it. So the temptation to fall down rabbit holes is very real! But realistically, you can’t drink from the firehose forever; you must scale back with intention. When that happens, you naturally and normally become less tuned into the subtle evolutions that people working closely on a team experience every day. You’d need either time to deeply dive, or someone to take a few minutes to clue you in.

In many ways, providing someone with feedback is giving them a chance to get a better, more complete picture. Regardless of whether it’s individual feedback or feedback to another area of the company (acting as a representative), the same idea applies: feedback helps an idea, concept, the work (etc) become more clear. 

I’ve seen folks talk about a reluctance to give feedback because they feel they’ll get (themselves or someone else) in trouble for it, or that it won’t be taken seriously. To these specific concerns, my guidance would be the following: give feedback in good faith, and with an eye towards a productive outcome. Ask yourself what outcome you want and believe is reasonable. When I get feedback from someone else in Happiness, the most useful feedback focuses on observable behaviors, lets me understand the person’s point of view, and helps me see their desired outcome. That gives me what I need to ask more questions and begin to paint a clearer picture. Every piece of feedback is a chip of paint, it’s not a complete and finished painting.

Let’s enjoy a metaphor together. 

In this metaphor, there’s a complete painting. It’s very, very large, and we are all positioned in such a way that we can only see a small portion of the painting (the painting is Automattic — that’s the metaphor).

And so far, things are ok, because we can all agree on our painting — it’s a tree. Without feedback between us on what differences we can see and what we disagree about (and what we agree about!) that’s about as complete a picture as we can hope to get. Let’s assume that the four people who agree we see a tree continue to not give each other any feedback or communicate effectively further about the painting.

What happens when a fifth person sees this?

Do they need to speak up and tell the other people that they don’t see a tree? If they don’t, it’s unlikely the the other four people will realize that they’re not seeing the same tree. That’s this person’s advantage and their responsibility: they have the key to challenge assumptions the other four people had about their partial paintings. They need to go back to basics to explain what they see, which in turn gives more language to the other viewers as well. “I see broad horizontal strokes, with short vertical strokes, mostly in brown and other dark colors” says far more than “It’s (not) a tree.” This can help the other four observers say things like “my tree has sparse branches and the background is mostly blue.” Or, “the tree I see is sort of oval shaped and seems short.” Once the feedback door is open, dialogue can actually flow. When we come right down to it, feedback is dialogue; it’s an active exchange of thoughts and ideas.

By giving feedback (and asking questions in order to gather feedback), each viewer can change their perspective until they finally understand the entire painting (even if they don’t view all of it at once at any time).

Good feedback corrects, enhances, and improves. Bad feedback (which is either not productive or not existent) falsely reinforces misunderstandings (at a minimum).

Good feedback processes let you go from “it’s a tree” to “it’s a forest.”

Emily Carr, BC Forest 1932

See the image here

It’s very easy to be resistant to feedback! But part of all our jobs is to listen to feedback and evaluate it. If it’s not given very well, can we use that conversation to get a better idea of what the feedback is intended for? (We can.) We can also provide feedback on the gap between what the intention was and what the impact was, as a way for that other person to improve their own feedback-giving. 

Giving feedback can be particularly scary when you give feedback “up.” However, I balance that against the responsibility of helping someone else gain a clearer picture when I think there’s something missing from their view. I also use feedback to reinforce things that I think are helpful or otherwise useful or done well. Sometimes you may not have a different view of something, but you can always let someone know when they’ve described a section of painting particularly well. Sending appreciation and gratitude feedback can help establish connections with others across the company, and it can also help the other person feel good about the work they’re doing! At Automattic, we usually know these as Kudos, and most of us are comfortable sending these (though we may not always think to). Kudos are a way to directly send someone a compliment about their work that is logged on a P2 as well. Comfort with both congratulatory and clarification feedback makes for a more robust feedback process, however, rather than relying on just one or the other.

So in summary:

• Don’t be afraid to describe your view of the painting
• Ask if you don’t understand the description someone else has provided of the painting
• Talk with other people about specifics about the painting
• Remember that you’re all trying to get the most accurate picture, and actively listening and absorbing that information is crucial to getting to a shared understanding.

Somehow, we ran out of Albuterol yesterday and didn’t realize it.

Around 11:00pm, I had finished up work and was getting ready to go to bed, only to find Grant in my bed. Wheezing. Badly. I went to get his nebulizer (we call it a woo-woo, like a train, but that’s not important to this story whatsoever) and discovered the awful lack of medicine. So I packed him up and off we went to the ER.

First, we got a private room in the ER. That part was boss. Second, it was incredibly quiet, so we got lots of attention — people can’t help but love Grant. Third, we were in and out in two hours or so. We got home around 1:30am.

Grant got oxygen first. He also had a chest x-ray, a rapid strep test, an RSV test, two rounds of nebulizer, and oral steroids. He didn’t have pneumonia, strep, RSV, or anything else worrying. He had a bad cough (leftover from a cold), restrictive airway disease (aka baby asthma), and was “a little tachycardic.”

As his breathing loosened up, his spirits correspondingly rose. He got one of those hospital single servings of apple juice and was very taken with that. He asked if we could get them for home (no we can’t!). He pretended there were bananas hidden all over the room and we guessed where they were. We sang songs and called each other silly. We laughed.

He had three nodes attached to his chest to track his heart, a finger monitor for his pulse ox, and a bracelet. He brought his bracelet home for dad. He asked me to interpret the monitor many many times. After getting the strep test (swab the back of the throat), he told me through his tears “I still love you mom,” which is grand because I didn’t administer the test.

He asked for Stitch so he could cuddle him. He asked if we could go to sleep (I said yes, but then he changed his mind). We waited to see how his pulse ox would do off the oxygen. We skipped out of the ER (after initially leaving then returning because I got lost in the hallway — I was tired).

When we got home he needed me to sit with him for about 40 minutes. We were both tired but Albuterol raises his heart rate, and he had back-to-back treatments, so settling ended up being hard, even at 2am.

Today he stayed home from daycare. He wasn’t ready to wake up for one thing. But for another, his breathing was still labored. After getting the twins ready and dropping them off, I picked up his prescriptions and came home and started administrating. I passed it off to Bob because I needed to get back into work.

After work today, he begged me to sit with him and watch Cars (his all-time favorite movie). So we cuddled and watched until it was time for me to go get the twins. Once they were home, he wanted to go to bed, so we got him up to his room, gave him his oral steroids, and got him Motrin, and started him on his nebulizer (all of which I then handed off to Bob, so I could feed the twins.)

Tomorrow’s a new day.

Grant got sent home sick yesterday from daycare, which means he couldn’t go back today. He’s got a fever and a runny nose and a cough, and the worst case of the bossies I’ve ever seen.

We have so far: played Legos, watched The Gruffalo’s Child, started the Lion King, read many stories, played with Spiderman and Black Panther, he’s taken a bath, eaten nearly all the grapes in the house, rejected blueberries, eaten half a peach yogurt, watched YouTube, and cuddled.

A soft-boiled egg, toast, and some large print crosswords.