Well. If you want excitement and thrills this fall, dear reader, don’t head to a haunted house, don’t head to a movie house, and don’t head for a cat house. No, friends, for people who are looking for that edge that will keep you up all night with surging adrenaline, you want to spend the night at the hospital with a two-year-old touched with pneumonia.

What do you get with your admission? Alarms (including a fire drill)! Salacious gossip (as your floor mates grumble near your door about various family members you’ll never have to meet)! Jello (orange)! These are but the tip of the iceberg. Every experience is tailored for the individual.

Our package included a surprise 3 am IV mishap! Reader, imagine folding back the covers by your son’s feet and confronting the horse head scene from The Godfather. Adrenaline!

Also included was our choice of nasal cannula or handheld oxygen. An embarrassment of choices! Grant sampled both, and opted for handheld. The hand, it turned out, would be mine.

The excitement cumulated in a whirlwind visit by our pediatrician (who was not the doctor on call, but kept coming in anyway) at 5 am to discuss the extreme package “Ride to Buffalo.” While we eagerly considered the two side adventures, the choice we made to experience Steroid Shot ultimately meant that we were firmly on the Stay Put adventure (discerning readers will realize that Steroid Shot can go either way!)

Finally, around 6 am, we were wrapping up our first night of action, and Grant moved effortlessly – with the grace of a gorilla – into the Peaceful But Extremely Sweaty Sleep story. He reluctantly ended the Supplemental Oxygen storyline, which meant I also had some new choices made available to me. I chose Drowsy But Extremely Sweaty Dozing alongside Grant.

And while we may get to pursue the adventure for an entire additional night, dear reader I do not mind admitting that I am somewhat thrilled out. I’m not as young as I used to be! Indeed, the last time I stayed up late it was only until 4:30 am, and that was an entirely pedestrian adventure by comparison (although also a thoroughly lovely time out in Canada). But what is adventure without a little danger? The reader will need to ask themselves just how much risk they are actually comfortable with, and sometimes be ready to accept that life will occasionally choose adventure far outside your tolerance. Take heart, friend, because if your adventure goes like mine, you will be brought two breakfasts come the morning.

Stay tuned for our next dispatch…